The Lords Timing

Many of you know that Ryan and I have both been looking for summer jobs. Ryan needs an internship for school and I need a summer job so that we can make more money. Lol. Some of you also know, that the search has not been going well. I have filled out 87 job applications and had multiple phone interviews, but out of all that, only one physical in person interview. Things have not been that much better for Ryan. He had been applying for internship after internship to no avail. (*side note* I love the word avail. :)) This was the most confusing thing. Ryan had an interview last year that he was DISMALLY unqualified for (and subsequently hated-- but that's a different story for a different day). This year he already had one summer internship under his belt and he has taken classes actually related to his field. so we thought an internship this summer was for SURE. Ryan met with McCarthy Construction at a job fair at UALR in January. The person there immediately asked him for an interview. After his first interview we found out that if he got the job we would be going to Texas. We began to pray to see if this was the right thing for us, because there wasn't any point in him going to Dallas for the second interview if we were suppose to stay here. Anyway, in those prayers, we got a very strong feeling that YES! He needed to go. So--- we took that as, we are going to Dallas! How exciting! So Ryan went to the interview, he felt he did well, I was a nervous wreck (which usually means things will work out fine) There was only one other person there from UALR and she was a FRESHMAN (a very nice girl, but still not as qualified as Ryan) anyway, he came back and we waited. and waited. and waited. Ryan then got the phone call that said "We're sorry that we can't hire you this summer. It's not that we didn't like you, it's that we don't have enough internships to go to all the people we liked, but we would like to keep in touch with you if that's alright, and we DEFINITELY want you to apply next year." We were upset, we were so sure that this was what we were suppose to be doing. SO SURE. We had had the confirmation of the spirit during prayer, so we didn't understand why something that we were so sure we were suppose to be doing wasn't coming to fruition. It was very confusing, (and that freshman girl? She GOT the job! which added to this) but we decided that since there was nothing we could do about it, we would continue on and Ryan would try and get another internship. Finally, Ryan got an internship offer to work at UAMS over the summer on Thursday Morning. We were so relieved that he finally had a job offer that we weren't really paying attention to anything. Ryan didn't notice until later that day that he recieved a phone call Wednesday afternoon while he was in class. He checked his voice mail and realized that he had been called by the Staffing Director of McCarthy Construction (a wonderful man named R.J). Ryan called him back immediately but R.J. was out of the office at the time so Ryan left a message and went to class. As Ryan was walking to class. R.J. called him back (talk about timing!) and said "Well, I told you we wanted to stay in touch, I'm in touch a little sooner than I expected." and told Ryan that more projects and funding had opened up so they were able to offer him an internship if he was still interested! DUH!!! Anyway, so Ryan still has to sign the offer letter and email it back, AND he still has to do a drug test. (because that's a concern. psh!) before we find out EXACTLY where in Texas we are going. BUT his first day of work is the 29th of May. So we will leave the 26th or so. We are very excited about this new adventure we will have together, but now what we were suppose to have 2 months to do, we have to cram into about 3 weeks! Lol! So it's just a little stressful. Above all, this has really strengthened our Testimony that Heavenly Father really is in control. He will provide you what you need when you need it, even if it's not when you think you do. Heavenly Father really is mindful of our lives, our wants, and our needs. We just have to have faith in his timing. :)

Update on Operation: Baby

So Ryan and I have been married for almost 3 years. We've been trying to have kids for almost two and a half years. And lets just say-- it's not exactly working.

Several Women in my family have been diagnosed with PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome) and I have had all the syptoms so I've kinda been under the assumption that that's the same thing that's wrong with me. But every time I talked to any of my doctors (GYNO, PCP, anyone) about it They have either glossed over it with "You're young, you still have plenty of time" or laughed me out of their office. It's been very frustrating, but I couldn't (at the time) go to anyone else because my insurance (I have it through my mom) wouldn't let me. I was starting to feel like I was crazy, or like Heavenly Father just really thought I wasn't good enough to have a baby.and let me tell you.. that was a dark time.

Recently my mom's job changed insurance providers. So I got to pick my doctors. I searched high and low, read reviews, called offices and asked to speak to doctors instead of nurses and finally found a PCP that I felt was the right one. Tuesday afternoon I had my first appointment with her and although it was suppose to be a physical it turned into us just talking about everything that had happened to me and everything I've been through. And she looked at me and said

"Guess what? I think you know your body better than anyone else, and from what you telling me and from what I can see. I think you're right. So let's have you evaluated for PCOS so I can start treating you."

I felt So. Free.

and not crazy.

So they did all the bloodwork and yesterday I went for a pelvic ultrasound (I have never been so happy to pee in my entire life) and when they were looking at my ovaries you could see them tiny little "follicles" that are filling with liquid and becoming tiny cysts. All I could do is smile.

I know this sounds crazy, and WEIRD that I am happy about seeing those tiny things which are getting in my way of having my babies, but I was. I was Happy. I was RELIEVED.

I am not crazy. I am not unworthy. I am not some freak that just doesn't know anything. I have actual diagnoses that can be FIXED.

And how great was my joy.

What Kind of Life do I Live?

First off, I suppose I should apologize for my absence. Sorry, I'm lazy. lol. Secondly, I want to wish anyone that reads this a very happy valentines day. but neither of those are what this post is about.

This post is about my life.

Those of you that know me personally, may have noticed (or maybe you didn't- I don't really know) that I've been in kind of a funk lately. I've been pretty restless with my life and the way it's been working. My house was a dump. My job, while mostly enjoyable, was sucking the life out of me. My calling (which I normally love) had even begun to go stale for me. The result was (and still is) me being short and contrary, Ryan and I started to argue more, I started to function less and less. Usually when I feel like this I know I have to make a change, and that change usually means some kind of hair cut.

But not this time.

In Young Women's on Sunday, we were teaching the lesson "Finding Joy in Life Now" and we started by discussing what the difference is between Fun, Satisfaction, Happiness, and Joy. How we are responsible for our OWN happiness in this life, and how we don't have to wait. *I* don't have to wait for Ryan to graduate to be happy, *I* don't have to wait for us to have a baby to feel like my life has a substance. *I* don't have to work at a job that makes me feel useless. *I* don't have to do that.

My mother use to tell my sister and I "Bloom where you're planted" and she was right. I have to find happiness where I am, in the situation I'm in. but at the same time, if there are things in my situation I don't like, I can change them. That's my choice.

So. I've talked to Ryan, and we've decided. at least for now, We aren't keeping anything in the house we don't love. We're getting rid of almost everything. Furniture, Crap, Clothes, Everything. We are going to go through it a bit at a time and decide what to keep, and what to chuck. :) And we won't replace any of it until we've found something we love and we agree on.

I'm so incredibly excited about this. I think I could bust. I think.... I might be happy. :)

I know this post kind of rambles, but I don't care. I hope you understood it, not that that's important, because I did. :)

Happy New Year!

Excuse my absence, it's been awhile, but really nothing has been happening. 2011 was maybe the most boring year EVER for Ryan and I. Honestly, I mean things happened that I guess were big: I started working, Ryan got his graduation pushed back another semester (oh yeah, did I tell you? Now he graduates May 2014. *sigh*) I got to meet my nephew (cutest child that ever existed--no really) but other than that, I don't really remember anything, at least nothing good.

But now it's the third day of 2012,

and I refuse to let that happen again.

Have I ever told you that I don't believe in resolutions? I don't. I'm not even sure when I stopped really believing in them, but I don't. I believe in goals for sure. and I believe in improving yourself. But stick resolution on there and for some reason one becomes-ironically- less resolute.

So I have NOT made a resolution to photograph everything I do (although, I should take more pictures)
I will NOT make a resolution to blog or journal more often (because let's be honest, how well has that gone over in the past)

What I WILL do, is decide that I want to remember this year. I want to do things that are WORTH remembering, not only that, but I want to do things that I WANT to take pictures of, things that I WANT to share on my blog and in my journal.

That's what I WANT. I want to REMEMBER. Don't tell me that we don't always get what we want, I'm aware of that, but this time I am. THIS want, I'm allowed to have. Because it's something I can give to myself.

So as I sit here, watching "Z" (one of the kids I watch) play with a balloon-- she has rubbed it all over herself so now it's stuck to her head and she is running around seeing if it will stay on. It's cute-- I think that I can do this. I really really do.

See you in the funny papers!

Sigh

So.. Ryan and I have been married for 2 and a half years now and we have managed to exist without ANY credit cards. Well, today in the mail I recieved...

Our first set of debt sucking credit cards.

I hate them, but we need them.

Sigh....

Live in Thanksgiving

Well, here we are again, it's November First and most of the people in this country are nursing some sort of Hangover, whether it's Alcohol, Sugar or something else, it's happening. Adults are putting away Halloween and starting to think about their Christmas card list. Stores have Halloween candy on sale for 50%off and are setting up their Christmas displays (if they haven't already. Kids are thinking about how awesome Last night was, how much candy they hauled in and what Christmas wishes they want to put in their letters to Santa. And then they all remember almost collectively around the middle of the month when a kids brings home a flyer about their schools food drive, "Oh yeah! There's another holiday to get through still!" Guess we had better get the turkey and stuffing. I'll ask Aunt Linda to make her famous Pumpkin Pie. Maybe Cousin Margo will bring the cranberry sauce, Where will we put everyone? Should we have a kids table?" Completely forgetting the purpose of Thanksgiving in the first place! To these people, nay, to people everywhere I have one word.

Stop. (Collaborate and listen...:))

To those people that believe that Thanksgiving is to mark the day that the pilgrims were saved from starvation I say, Close, but no cigar.

And to those of you that happen to think thanksgiving is all about gorging yourself until you can't fasten your pants the next day and watching football on TV... Sigh...

I bet most of you don't even know how Thanksgiving became a National Holiday or that it wasn't one until Abraham Lincoln was President during the Civil War. (Not that that's the purpose, but I'm just saying, many people don't know that information and I totally did. :))

None of those things are important. The purpose of Thanksgiving is to (hold on to your hats because this might be shocking) GIVE THANKS. *gasp*

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints I learn a lot about Gratitude and how many ways one can express "an attitude of gratitude" (I'm sure many other Christian denominations do as well, but I don't go to those churches, I go to mine. :)) And let me tell you, there are many ways of showing gratitude, and one of those ways is by giving service. Why? because when we take the time to serve others we NOTICE our blessings more, but I want to know why it is that we as humans have to serve and then notice our blessings, why can't it be the other way around? And why does this "Attitude of Gratitude" and the Friday after the fourth Thursday of November every year when we put up our Christmas Decorations or that weekend when the thanksgiving leftovers are all gone?

May each of us learn this month how to live in Thanksgiving daily and develop an attitude of gratitude.

Life Right Now...

I would love to be one of those women that can get on a computer and blog every day. I long for the time when I can do that. Mostly, because it will mean that I have internet in my house. :) I feel bad that I only ever read blogs and then I don't share anything in return. I feel a little selfish, so I humbly ask for forgiveness and patience as I get back into the blogging business. ;) With that-- here's what's been going on so far with the Burton's these past (almost) six months.

Ryan finished his second year of school with incredibly good grades. It looks like he will be making the Chancellors list this semester for the third time since he started school. After his finals are over next week he will have 5 Semesters left and then (barring any disasters or unless he decides to get a masters) he will be done-- Graduating December 2013! It makes me proud that he has been working so hard. And it's paying off! Because he is such an awesome person he....

Got a summer internship! He will be working for TME Inc. a construction company in Little Rock. He will be making twice as much an hour as well as working twice as many hours. He gets a WEEK of paid vacation time and the possibility of a future permanent job. We are SO excited about this and Ryan is confident that it is a job he can excell at and enjoy doing at the same time. :)

As for moi-- I started "working", I've been baby-sitting for some of the working mothers in my ward. Children ranging in ages from 2 weeks- 4 years. It can be challenging sometimes, but I love it. These angels teach me so much as I care for them. Chiefly patience, sometimes it's hard to learn, but I know it's worth it. Ryan was so excited when I started doing this (I watch them in my home) that he decided we should turn our spare room into a "playroom" so we bought a crib for the babies and a buch of toys and childrens books (mostly at second hand stores, because lets face it, We're poor ;)) and set it up! I will get a picture put up eventually of the playroom, because I am so happy with the way it turned out. We even moved one of our rocker recliners from the living room to the playroom so that I could rock the babies :) ALSO, plus side = being able to count all of it on taxes as a business expense. :)

Now, you may be asking-- Hey Cheryl, What about that last post, where you and Ryan were going to try and have a baby? What ever happened with that? Well, folks, We're still trying. No baby yet. :) I did go to the doctor in March and she diagnosed me with Polycysitic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) basically, I have a bunch of cysts on my ovaries which make my hormones go wacky, which makes me not ovulate. And you kinda have to have an egg to have a baby. lol. It causes alot of other problems too, it's hard to regulate my weight, I get sick alot, I have alot of back pain etc. It's not fun stuff. ANYWAY... she said I could start Clomid which is a prescription drug that MAKES you ovulate no matter what your hormones are like, it's expensive and my insurance doesn't cover it. So instead, I am going to start a regime of D-chiro-inositol (DCI) a nutritional supplement that basically regulates all of your hormones naturally. So that your body fixes itself. :) It's also not covered by my insurance, BUT it is much cheaper. Like, instead of $250 a month it's $50. which is much easier for me to work with . lol. It also has a very high success rate; so hopefully we'll get to make an announcement in the next couple of months. :)


So that's how life has been for us. Excluding of course any information on our callings in church. We both work with the youth and as such, we were called to be a Ma & Pa for our Youth Conference Pioneer Trek this June. So we've been preparing for that along with teaching on Sunday and Activities on Wednesdays and Saturdays, We love our callings and we love the youth that we get to interact with every week. :)


So yeah, life is good. Hopefully I will be able to do better at this whole "regular" blogging thing eventually, but until then....


;)