Update on Operation: Baby

So Ryan and I have been married for almost 3 years. We've been trying to have kids for almost two and a half years. And lets just say-- it's not exactly working.

Several Women in my family have been diagnosed with PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome) and I have had all the syptoms so I've kinda been under the assumption that that's the same thing that's wrong with me. But every time I talked to any of my doctors (GYNO, PCP, anyone) about it They have either glossed over it with "You're young, you still have plenty of time" or laughed me out of their office. It's been very frustrating, but I couldn't (at the time) go to anyone else because my insurance (I have it through my mom) wouldn't let me. I was starting to feel like I was crazy, or like Heavenly Father just really thought I wasn't good enough to have a baby.and let me tell you.. that was a dark time.

Recently my mom's job changed insurance providers. So I got to pick my doctors. I searched high and low, read reviews, called offices and asked to speak to doctors instead of nurses and finally found a PCP that I felt was the right one. Tuesday afternoon I had my first appointment with her and although it was suppose to be a physical it turned into us just talking about everything that had happened to me and everything I've been through. And she looked at me and said

"Guess what? I think you know your body better than anyone else, and from what you telling me and from what I can see. I think you're right. So let's have you evaluated for PCOS so I can start treating you."

I felt So. Free.

and not crazy.

So they did all the bloodwork and yesterday I went for a pelvic ultrasound (I have never been so happy to pee in my entire life) and when they were looking at my ovaries you could see them tiny little "follicles" that are filling with liquid and becoming tiny cysts. All I could do is smile.

I know this sounds crazy, and WEIRD that I am happy about seeing those tiny things which are getting in my way of having my babies, but I was. I was Happy. I was RELIEVED.

I am not crazy. I am not unworthy. I am not some freak that just doesn't know anything. I have actual diagnoses that can be FIXED.

And how great was my joy.