A Summer to Remember.

So, just to be clear-- I was suppose to update this blog a lot more this summer than I have. Which is none. All right All right! Consider my wrist slapped! Geeze! Anyway, It's been pretty nice here. Our apartment complex is surprisingly not terrifying. I thought it was gonna be some shady furnished apartment that you pay for with cash, and it's not (Well, it's not shady, but it IS the other stuff. Lol.) Ryan is really loving his job down here and it's good to see him doing something where he feels like he is fulfilling his purpose. It's a big change from last year. The ward (congregation for my non-Mormon peeps out there) here isn't even that bad. We have a VERY active Elders quorum and we even had home teachers the three months we were here! The women? Uh. No comment. That's a story left better for when I'm less bitter about it. It's also been really good for Ryan and I to be by ourselves. We know each other better now, and, not that we didn't already know this, but we've really had to be help meets and strengths for each other this summer. So it has helped us out a lot that way. We are very excited to be going home soon though. We found an apartment back in Jacksonville that should be very comfy for us (Shout out to Kathy and Joseph Eason for helping with that!), and we'll even be back in time for Stake Conference Weekend! So what have I been doing while Ryan has been working? Well-- I have a few events that I'm working on... did you know that? I plan parties and other social events! I'm trying to figure out how to do it professionally but it's a REALLY difficult business to break into. Especially if you are a girl that doesn't know a TON about liquor and you don't really want to work on Sundays. Lol. So I have a couple weddings that I'm working on, and I've been working out (not successfully, I think I've gained-- wrong direction body!) AND I have figured out the perfect organizational system for Ryan and I! Yay! Mostly, I've been learning about myself. and I've learned alot. but again, that's a post for when I won't turn all babbly. :) Anyway, we are excited to be coming home, but it's been nice here too. Just thought I'd let you know. Lurves!

The Lords Timing

Many of you know that Ryan and I have both been looking for summer jobs. Ryan needs an internship for school and I need a summer job so that we can make more money. Lol. Some of you also know, that the search has not been going well. I have filled out 87 job applications and had multiple phone interviews, but out of all that, only one physical in person interview. Things have not been that much better for Ryan. He had been applying for internship after internship to no avail. (*side note* I love the word avail. :)) This was the most confusing thing. Ryan had an interview last year that he was DISMALLY unqualified for (and subsequently hated-- but that's a different story for a different day). This year he already had one summer internship under his belt and he has taken classes actually related to his field. so we thought an internship this summer was for SURE. Ryan met with McCarthy Construction at a job fair at UALR in January. The person there immediately asked him for an interview. After his first interview we found out that if he got the job we would be going to Texas. We began to pray to see if this was the right thing for us, because there wasn't any point in him going to Dallas for the second interview if we were suppose to stay here. Anyway, in those prayers, we got a very strong feeling that YES! He needed to go. So--- we took that as, we are going to Dallas! How exciting! So Ryan went to the interview, he felt he did well, I was a nervous wreck (which usually means things will work out fine) There was only one other person there from UALR and she was a FRESHMAN (a very nice girl, but still not as qualified as Ryan) anyway, he came back and we waited. and waited. and waited. Ryan then got the phone call that said "We're sorry that we can't hire you this summer. It's not that we didn't like you, it's that we don't have enough internships to go to all the people we liked, but we would like to keep in touch with you if that's alright, and we DEFINITELY want you to apply next year." We were upset, we were so sure that this was what we were suppose to be doing. SO SURE. We had had the confirmation of the spirit during prayer, so we didn't understand why something that we were so sure we were suppose to be doing wasn't coming to fruition. It was very confusing, (and that freshman girl? She GOT the job! which added to this) but we decided that since there was nothing we could do about it, we would continue on and Ryan would try and get another internship. Finally, Ryan got an internship offer to work at UAMS over the summer on Thursday Morning. We were so relieved that he finally had a job offer that we weren't really paying attention to anything. Ryan didn't notice until later that day that he recieved a phone call Wednesday afternoon while he was in class. He checked his voice mail and realized that he had been called by the Staffing Director of McCarthy Construction (a wonderful man named R.J). Ryan called him back immediately but R.J. was out of the office at the time so Ryan left a message and went to class. As Ryan was walking to class. R.J. called him back (talk about timing!) and said "Well, I told you we wanted to stay in touch, I'm in touch a little sooner than I expected." and told Ryan that more projects and funding had opened up so they were able to offer him an internship if he was still interested! DUH!!! Anyway, so Ryan still has to sign the offer letter and email it back, AND he still has to do a drug test. (because that's a concern. psh!) before we find out EXACTLY where in Texas we are going. BUT his first day of work is the 29th of May. So we will leave the 26th or so. We are very excited about this new adventure we will have together, but now what we were suppose to have 2 months to do, we have to cram into about 3 weeks! Lol! So it's just a little stressful. Above all, this has really strengthened our Testimony that Heavenly Father really is in control. He will provide you what you need when you need it, even if it's not when you think you do. Heavenly Father really is mindful of our lives, our wants, and our needs. We just have to have faith in his timing. :)

Update on Operation: Baby

So Ryan and I have been married for almost 3 years. We've been trying to have kids for almost two and a half years. And lets just say-- it's not exactly working.

Several Women in my family have been diagnosed with PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome) and I have had all the syptoms so I've kinda been under the assumption that that's the same thing that's wrong with me. But every time I talked to any of my doctors (GYNO, PCP, anyone) about it They have either glossed over it with "You're young, you still have plenty of time" or laughed me out of their office. It's been very frustrating, but I couldn't (at the time) go to anyone else because my insurance (I have it through my mom) wouldn't let me. I was starting to feel like I was crazy, or like Heavenly Father just really thought I wasn't good enough to have a baby.and let me tell you.. that was a dark time.

Recently my mom's job changed insurance providers. So I got to pick my doctors. I searched high and low, read reviews, called offices and asked to speak to doctors instead of nurses and finally found a PCP that I felt was the right one. Tuesday afternoon I had my first appointment with her and although it was suppose to be a physical it turned into us just talking about everything that had happened to me and everything I've been through. And she looked at me and said

"Guess what? I think you know your body better than anyone else, and from what you telling me and from what I can see. I think you're right. So let's have you evaluated for PCOS so I can start treating you."

I felt So. Free.

and not crazy.

So they did all the bloodwork and yesterday I went for a pelvic ultrasound (I have never been so happy to pee in my entire life) and when they were looking at my ovaries you could see them tiny little "follicles" that are filling with liquid and becoming tiny cysts. All I could do is smile.

I know this sounds crazy, and WEIRD that I am happy about seeing those tiny things which are getting in my way of having my babies, but I was. I was Happy. I was RELIEVED.

I am not crazy. I am not unworthy. I am not some freak that just doesn't know anything. I have actual diagnoses that can be FIXED.

And how great was my joy.

What Kind of Life do I Live?

First off, I suppose I should apologize for my absence. Sorry, I'm lazy. lol. Secondly, I want to wish anyone that reads this a very happy valentines day. but neither of those are what this post is about.

This post is about my life.

Those of you that know me personally, may have noticed (or maybe you didn't- I don't really know) that I've been in kind of a funk lately. I've been pretty restless with my life and the way it's been working. My house was a dump. My job, while mostly enjoyable, was sucking the life out of me. My calling (which I normally love) had even begun to go stale for me. The result was (and still is) me being short and contrary, Ryan and I started to argue more, I started to function less and less. Usually when I feel like this I know I have to make a change, and that change usually means some kind of hair cut.

But not this time.

In Young Women's on Sunday, we were teaching the lesson "Finding Joy in Life Now" and we started by discussing what the difference is between Fun, Satisfaction, Happiness, and Joy. How we are responsible for our OWN happiness in this life, and how we don't have to wait. *I* don't have to wait for Ryan to graduate to be happy, *I* don't have to wait for us to have a baby to feel like my life has a substance. *I* don't have to work at a job that makes me feel useless. *I* don't have to do that.

My mother use to tell my sister and I "Bloom where you're planted" and she was right. I have to find happiness where I am, in the situation I'm in. but at the same time, if there are things in my situation I don't like, I can change them. That's my choice.

So. I've talked to Ryan, and we've decided. at least for now, We aren't keeping anything in the house we don't love. We're getting rid of almost everything. Furniture, Crap, Clothes, Everything. We are going to go through it a bit at a time and decide what to keep, and what to chuck. :) And we won't replace any of it until we've found something we love and we agree on.

I'm so incredibly excited about this. I think I could bust. I think.... I might be happy. :)

I know this post kind of rambles, but I don't care. I hope you understood it, not that that's important, because I did. :)

Happy New Year!

Excuse my absence, it's been awhile, but really nothing has been happening. 2011 was maybe the most boring year EVER for Ryan and I. Honestly, I mean things happened that I guess were big: I started working, Ryan got his graduation pushed back another semester (oh yeah, did I tell you? Now he graduates May 2014. *sigh*) I got to meet my nephew (cutest child that ever existed--no really) but other than that, I don't really remember anything, at least nothing good.

But now it's the third day of 2012,

and I refuse to let that happen again.

Have I ever told you that I don't believe in resolutions? I don't. I'm not even sure when I stopped really believing in them, but I don't. I believe in goals for sure. and I believe in improving yourself. But stick resolution on there and for some reason one becomes-ironically- less resolute.

So I have NOT made a resolution to photograph everything I do (although, I should take more pictures)
I will NOT make a resolution to blog or journal more often (because let's be honest, how well has that gone over in the past)

What I WILL do, is decide that I want to remember this year. I want to do things that are WORTH remembering, not only that, but I want to do things that I WANT to take pictures of, things that I WANT to share on my blog and in my journal.

That's what I WANT. I want to REMEMBER. Don't tell me that we don't always get what we want, I'm aware of that, but this time I am. THIS want, I'm allowed to have. Because it's something I can give to myself.

So as I sit here, watching "Z" (one of the kids I watch) play with a balloon-- she has rubbed it all over herself so now it's stuck to her head and she is running around seeing if it will stay on. It's cute-- I think that I can do this. I really really do.

See you in the funny papers!