Clomid-- Cycle 1

I don't. I don't even know how to talk about this. Ryan and I FINALLY found the right doctor. The doctor that walked in and sat down with me in her office and said the following: "It's nice to meet you, what's going on? Start from the beginning, and tell me what you want." And then she actually listened. LISTENED. When I was done telling her about the past 4 years. I felt so relieved! She hadn't interrupted me once. It was amazing. When I was finished she looked at me and said "You've done 80% of my work for me! Alright! Let's get this done!" She assigned Ryan and I to do a couple final tests. (HCG's By the way? Not terrible, but certainly not a picnic either ;))After those tests, my doctor wrote me a prescription for 50 mg of Clomid and told me we would test again later in the month. Last Friday, I went and had my blood drawn to see if I had ovulated. My nurse called me Tuesday and said what I expected but was hoping not to hear. It hadn't worked. I would have to try again with a higher dosage of meds to see if THAT would work. I knew it was coming, but my heart was still broken. I couldn't help holding on to that little bit of hope that I had that MAYBE Ryan and I's baby would be here soon. That I wouldn't be "Left Behind" again. I was so angry and hurt and I felt incredibly broken. I texted Ryan and told him that I hadn't ovulated and he simply replied "I'm sorry". And I was sorry too.So sorry. I felt like I was broken. Like I couldn't do this thing that Ryan so deserved from me. He would be such a wonderful father. I know that he would. So I often, in my bad moments, feel like a failure that I can't provide that for him the way that I should be. It's times like this when I shake my fist at myself and say "STUPID BODY! JUST DO YOUR JOB!" It makes me so angry. And Tired. However, Ryan came home that evening and said to me "It's okay, we'll just try again." and gave me a hug. That's all I needed. He really is a wonderful man. He has a way of taking total fear and depression and longing and turn it into hope, just by holding me for a minute. I love him so much. So we continue on again in a couple months. We are continuously full of hope that someday, in our Heavenly Father's time, we will have our own special miracle. For now, we will find joy in learning how to lean on the Lord as we work towards our goal of a family. :) Til Better Days! Cheryl

Last Firsts 2014. Part 1

This morning, Ryan left for his first day of class for his very last semester of college. Of course, presumably, he will be attending graduate school at some point, but that won't be for a few years, so we don't count that. It has been 5- sometimes very long- years and all I have been able to think about all morning has been when he started college to begin with. 

My husband is amazing. He has always had a thirst for knowledge and a love of learning. It's one of the things that I love about him, even when it's aggravating. 😄 He is the only person I know, who can work 2, really 3, jobs, and have a marriage, a calling, and 19 hours of class a semester (not including competition teams and extracurriculars) all while making almost a 4.0 every semester, and STILL loves going to school in the mornings. I wish I was like that, but ha, I'm lucky if I still like waking up in the morning. 😉

But this first is a little sad because in a way, this really does mark the end of a chapter of Ryan and I's life together. Ryan and I got married 6 months after he got home from his mission. And 2 months later he started school. We've never had a marriage or a life that didn't focus around class schedules or making sure Ryan had time for homework or studying, or budgeting so that Ryan could go to a competition. So in a way, when we go to bed on May 17th, we'll be saying goodbye to the entire life we've known together, and when we wake up on the 18th, We'll have to start all over again. 

I think it will be an exciting adventure to see where we go from here, but I'm going to relish these last few months. I'll never have them again. :) 

Looking Forward.

Well, Christmas has come and gone and New Years is on it's way. As always around this time of year, my mind reflects on the past year and what's happened and what I want to do better. I have to say, I feel like I improved. I can at least remember this year, whereas 2012 is kind of a blank. I feel like I didn't let myself get stuck in a rut this year and that I worked hard to be happy, and you know what? It worked. :) I feel that I was a significantly happier person this year. Obviously, there is still room for improvement, but I can take what I've learned this year with me into 2014 and be better. :) So What are we looking forward to in 2014? Well... Ryan and I made leaps and bounds regarding Project: Burton Baby. Enough so that we have updated our mission name to Project: Burton Baby 2014. So we are eagerly preparing and looking forward to that. Ryan has done a fantastic job in school, and we look forward to May 2014 when he will graduate and hope and pray that he will find a good job that he will be able to start quickly, so that by next fall we can hopefully move into a house. :) I am looking forward to starting online classes somewhere over the summer. It's been a very long time since I was a student but I am looking forward to finally being ready to get an education that I care about. We've been incredibly blessed this year as we have learned to lean more on Heavenly Father and truly depend on Him. We look forward to becoming more dependent on God and our Savior Jesus Christ and learning what He has to teach us. What am I going to try and improve on in 2014? Ryan and I worked really hard in 2013 to remain financially solvent. We did really really well. So this year we are going to continue to improve on it and start to save and get out of debt. I want to be a better recorder. This is going to be helped by the fact that I got 3 sets of journals for Christmas. :) I'm not really sure if I got them because people think my life is worth recording or if I'm just that hard to shop for. but I want to be a better recorder. That means journaling, taking pictures, and well, blogging. I want there to be a record of ryan and I's life together, so that means I need to be more in the moment and more involved so that I have something to write about. I want to be a better spouse. I love my husband. I want to show him that more. I want to read the Standards Works. (For those of you that don't speak Mormon speak, that's the Old Testament, New Testament, Book of Mormon and Doctrine and Covenants) I am excited to see what making scriptures a part of my every day life does for my spirit and my life. :) I know it will bless me. So here's to 2014. May all of us find beautiful things to look forward to and make better, as we receive the chance to begin again. See you soon. ~Cheryl

An Attitude of Gratitude

November-- the month where everyone is either writing a novel, hairy for mens health, or thankful for one thing every day.

Today, I'm going to talk about the last. Gratitude.

President David O. McKay said, “Gratitude is deeper than thanks. Thankfulness is the beginning of gratitude. Gratitude is the completion of thankfulness. Thankfulness may consist merely of words. Gratitude is shown in acts”

That really speaks to me. I'm a pro at finding things that I'm thankful for. I have a whole notebook full of things and people, big and small. Everything from the Atonement down to toilet paper. I am thankful for every single on of them. I'm thankful for every blessing given to me and when I'm going through a trial, I can play the "Glad Game" with them best of them. 

But am I showing gratitude? 

No. 

As President McKay stated, gratitude is shown in actions. Like, the lepers in the New Testament. All ten of them were healed and went forth. And I'm SURE that all of them were thankful they were healed. But the one that came back,  that Samaritan who knelt at the feet of a Jew, was the one who was showing his gratitude. 

Am I saying that we should all be kneeling at each other's feet all the time? Of course not. There are lots of ways that we can show our gratitude to others and, most especially, to The Lord. We can show gratitude through thoughtful prayer, through service to others, paying or tithing, and even through song. Have you ever heard the lyrics to "For the Beauty of the Earth" before? Here, I'll put them here so you can see them. 

1. 1. For the beauty of the earth,
   For the beauty of the skies,
   For the love which from our birth
   Over and around us lies,
2. (Chorus)
   Lord of all, to thee we raise
   This our hymn of grateful praise.
3. 2. For the beauty of each hour
   Of the day and of the night,
   Hill and vale, and tree and flow'r,
   Sun and moon, and stars of light,
4. 3. For the joy of human love,
   Brother, sister, parent, child,
   Friends on earth, and friends above,
   For all gentle thoughts and mild,
   
   
   There. If you read the words you see that this hymn is in fact, a prayer. A prayer of gratitude and praise for everything that has been created for us. The earth ad everything on it, family units, even the love shared in friendships is shared in this song. And there are many more like it. 
   
   
   -- "Because I Have Been Given Much I too Must Give." <-- we just talked about how service to others is a grateful action
   
   
   -- "God of Our Fathers"
   -- "Come Ye Thankful People Come"
   -- "Count Your Many Blessings"
   
   
   I'd like to talk a moment about this last one I've mentioned. Here are the words:
   
   
   1. 1. When upon life's billows you are tempest-tossed,
      When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
      Count your many blessings; name them one by one,
      And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.
   2. (Chorus)
      Count your blessings;
      Name them one by one.
      Count your blessings;
      See what God hath done.
      Count your blessings;
      Name them one by one.
      Count your many blessings;
      See what God hath done.
   3. 2. Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
      Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
      Count your many blessings; ev'ry doubt will fly,
      And you will be singing as the days go by.
   4. 3. When you look at others with their lands and gold,
      Think that Christ has promised you his wealth untold.
      Count your many blessings; money cannot buy
      Your reward in heaven nor your home on high.
   5. 4. So amid the conflict, whether great or small,
      Do not be discouraged; God is over all.
      Count your many blessings; angels will attend,
      Help and comfort give you to your journey's end.
   6. Text: Johnson Oatman, Jr., 1856-1922
      
      
      Have you ever thought about how you feel when you are showing gratitude? That good feeling you get when you are truly thankful for something, instead of just saying thanks to someone to be polite? I submit that the fastest way to find happiness is to find the things to be thankful for and express true and sincere gratitude for them. Because by recognizing our blessings, we remember that we are not alone, and our hearts are turned to the Savior. Who is the source of all joy and love. In D&C 78:18-19 it says, 
      
      
      "And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along. The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours.
      And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more."
      
      
      I am going to try and be more grateful. Not thankful, grateful. I look at myself now and I see the other 9 lepers. I want to be the 1 who came back. I want to express my gratitude with my whole-heart to my Savior every single day, not just in November when there is a promise of Turkey. :) So if I don't see you again before it, Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I hope that we can all become closer to the One. 

September and October 2013

So here's a quick post.

September 28th I was in a super huge car accident and could have died, but I didn't. Ryan and I bought a new car, it's exactly like the old one that kept me alive during my car accident it's just a different year model, color, and has a sunroof. Her name is Billie Jean. But that might change, I haven't gotten to know her well enough yet. Side bar: yes, I name my cars, it's how I forge relationships with them. And really, a relationship with your car is an important thing.

I ran a really awesome Relief Society activity for the sisters at my church. It was just a dinner before the broadcast, but still great.

October came and Ryan took me to the state fair. We rode the Ferris wheel despite my paralyzingly fear of falling to my death. My reward was any kind if fried food that I wanted. I chose a fried Rice crispy treat and it was delicious. Mostly, it tasted like butter, but I don't think that's really a bad thing. Also, it rained the whole time we were there. But it was still a SUPER fun date night. 

Mark entered the MTC on October 23rd. He will be there until November 6th and then he will leave for his mission (Salt Lake City South). People think that's funny, but they need missionaries everywhere right? Anyway, we had a pseudo-open house for him at my apartment and it was way fun, but saying goodbye to him at the end was very sad for me. He's just my baby brother! But I'm sure he will be fine. I'm proud of that kid. 

Ryan and I went to Trunk or treat. We were in charge of a game where we did like, a spiderweb maze thing and we dressed up in costume. I was Rosie the riveter. If you don't know who she is then go back to high school Anerican History. Ryan was Where's Waldo, but he wouldn't let me take a picture. :)

Ryan finally got his motorcycle. I don't have a picture of my bike so instead I'll post one of his knew helmet. It's high-lighter yello. 

Phew! Looks like you're all caught up! Quick and painless right? Thanks for reading!

Cheryl

I've Neglected You. :(

I need to spend more time with my blog. Really, it's poor and neglected and I've done too many things to not be posting more often. *sigh* Highlights:

-- Ryan made the Deans list. Again. Right now that kid is looking at graduating from college with at least a 3.8. What a smarty pants

-- I got a job. I work as an in-home care manager. It's basically the best job ever. The end. 

-- Ryan went to Texas for ANOTHER internship with the same people we were with last summer. He basically loved it. But since I was working I didn't go with him. That was rough 3 months but hey, I did 2 years, 3 months should be a piece of cake right? Try again. After he got home FINALLY went on our (long-awaited) honeymoon in Hot Springs. :) this is a picture of us at Garvan gardens in front of Lake Hamilton. This view plus koi fish as big as my thigh? Best vacation ever. Speaking of thighs....

-- I started taking some medication for my PCOS, but it was not nice to my tummy so I had to stop taking it. This made me gain a million pounds (okay okay, only 20) so it looks like I'll be going on a diabetic friendly diet and showing up to my Zumba and yoga classes more often. I have a t-shirt that says "I <3 exercise". That T-Shirt is a lie. 

-- Ryan started his last year of college, and boy are we ready for it to be over already. Ryan and I have off schedules right now and we both work 12 hour shifts. Plus Ryan has a million school projects and class and research projects, so add in all that, plus me party planning, and both of our church responsibilities. In a month we see each other for maybe 3 days total. But we can do it, because we 1)know it's what's best 2) know it's possible and 3) have ZERO other options. :)

-- Burn notice ended. I cried my eyes out. Ryan told me that if I exercise every day for a month I can preorder the final season on DVD. I quickly got reacquainted with my running shoes. ;)

-- I'm getting my hair dyed. Well, again. I got red highlights in it over the summer and I LOVE THEM. Now I'm going to do the ombré thing. I'm pretty excited about it. 

-- My baby brother got his mission call. He's going to South Salt Lake City Utah. Don't. Say. Anything. But we're pretty proud of him. 

-- It's September and I'm doing christmas shopping and Halloween party planning. I love the Holidays. :)

Anyway, that's us right now. I'd like to promise I'll post more regularly, because I wasn't to, but I think we all know the potential for that promise to get broken is high. :) So I'll see you when I see you. In the meantime, go and check out my sister and best friends blog: susansworthreading.wordpress.com  she's a smarty pants and can teach you things. :)

'Til a better day. :)

C. & R. 

One Year...

Well..... It's been almost a year since my last blog post. Something tells me that's not right. but this is a neat day to write a post so I'll continue on. I turned 25 this month. and I'm not anything like I thought I would be when I was 25, but that's okay because I'm still a nice person. Yesterday was Ryan and I's 4th (that's right FOURTH) Anniversary. We spent it apart because he's gone to Texas for an internship and I didn't go with him this summer because I got a job. (Yay me!)but we'll see each other soon and that's enough for now. I made it 2 years waiting for him on his mission in Argentina with the only contact being letters every 3 months. I can do him being 7 hours away for 3 months and a phone call every night. :) As I think about these two particular milestones, I can't help but think about the year to come. What will it bring? Ryan graduates from college next May, but where will he get a job? Will I start school again? Will it bring children in some form? Will we be moving? Could we be buying a house? Every year seems like there are going to be tons of changes, but this next one seems like it's going to be a bit of a doozy. Check back in a year, maybe I'll write another post. :) Cheryl